High school crush

2 days ago a song pop up in my head -

Felix Agus's "Aku Pencintamu"

Memories coming back to me.

Every evening during those days I will sit on the staircase in front of the surau, watching you and your rugby team come back from training, entering the dining hall and have your dinner.

Then after prayer, there's a ritual of shaking hands off all male students before going to line up to go to study prep, I remember that every time when it's our turn, you took more time than others to let my hand go(maybe I was delusional, maybe not).

I still remember that my heart thumping so fast every time we passed each other at the school hallway. I miss that feeling.

Remember one time you borrowed my small portable radio (the one that need to plug with headphone, size of two thumbs), I was so happy and guess what, I still keep it as in remembering that we once shared a thing (stupid as it sound but yeaa, anything can do).

The other moment is one time after the tiring sports day, that night you laid down beside me and your head touch a bit on part of my body, I was sooo happy and wish time to stop at that time. 😢

I miss you, wish I could turn to that time again so that I could confess my feelings towards you, and even if you rejected me, I wouldn't have live this kind of miserable life right now. 

M.C.O

And..... Movement control order again.. 

I hope there is no delay in all my business..

There's many thing I wanna do - holiday with the girls, move to new house, get a new partner and pets etc etc.

Sighhhhhh 😩

Wish covid weren't real. 

Dew

So today I watched this Thai BL movie, Dew..

The atmosphere, the theme, the plot, reminds me to our friendship when we was in Perlis.

But nothing we can do, the law and our culture forbids us to be what we wanna be. 

We pretend that the feeling was not real, but it is.. 

Then we both moving on with our life, however deep inside I'm still loving you. 

Good movie BTW, you guys should watch it. 

Watch the trailer here : DEW

2020

 Heyyyyyyyy everyone. 

It's been 7 years after my last post. 

Many things happened, heart gets broken, people die, work my ass of pursuing my degree, depressions, jumping off careers, and voila!

2020! 

*I'll start writing again after this as now I have no one to talk to.

As FYI, now I'm still single, no partner, either man or woman...

I tried both (be straight and gay, even bi) these past 7 years and it seems that relationship never work for me.

Still in contact with Bebe, Wawa, Asrill and the rest of Chaingang. Also PONDOKERS, but not that active like when we was in our 20's.

Many got married, except Bebe dan Wawa, high price yalssss...

Well kinda frustrated when Asrill said he wants to get married.

We only closed as best friend but I never thought he gonna choose the 'typical malay' way of life put upon him.

Heyyyyy be single la better.. 

Work is good for me.

2013 = Not a good year that's why I stop writing.

2014 - 2016 = Relax year

2016 - 2019 = My recessions and depressions and torture year

2020 = Happy with my work but Covid ruined everything. 

I'm actively ruining men and women hearts, it's not because they bad to me, but I hate commitments. 

I'm so so sorry. I really don't know what I want actually in a relationship.

Ok maybe I need to be pamper, throw ya money at me, or anything that is not 'typical malay' kind of relationship.

Ok that's all my bebelan for today. Glad my blogspot account still accessible. And to all my exes before 2013, my number still the same. And it was not me, it was ya'll mistakes. Go die.

My feelings

Who cares?
It's just, I need you, I need him....
I need someone to be there and hug me when I'm in deep, down, depressed, and finding peace..

Wish we can live together, like in movies and dramas in tv..

I love you, I need you, I want you...

I want to live like those in fairy tales, like them in Fairy Tail...

Live surround by those who loves, fight to live with them we love, fight for those we love.......

I really mean it..

- Henry...

Turning back the time..

Today is the Istiadat Konvokesyen UiTM Arau..

Last year, on this date, the same event happens..

Really, miss them.. Missing all the hissle hassle of living together..

Missing the moments of doubts between each other..

Missing the cloudy morning, the breakfast we had together..

The worries of pockets, the fake smiles we had, the hours of controversies,
the road we walk on, the persons we ran off for, the classes,

THE LIFE we had there..

I'm sorry for breaking our relationships...
Sorry friends!

Ideology or Authority?

It's been more than 3 weeks after the dissolution of Malaysia's parliament..
The chaos, the fights, the slanders and everything bad goin around everyday..

Malays, the main target and the main subjects easy for them the politicians to incite and to ignite the flames of hate, on each other..

Is it fun for you politicians to do that? On other's miseries and hatred, on your own dreams to control?

One, the agent of DEVIL using words and literary to blow the fire of hatred.
Two, the agent of DEVIL using religion to mask his greediness and lies.
Three, the agent of COMMUNISM using his tricks to chase the Malays out from our own land and making this land as his.

Open your eyes, power is not everything. Politics, to strive for the peoples, not for yourselves..

May Allah save us. Amin

Hopes and Lies

Games indeed..
You've been fooling around like nothing to cost in the future..
That's why they've been chasing you like, dying.
Why HOPE? Why that? You ended with someone, play with another one, and jump back..

This isn't game!! You can't turn back to collect more points at the level before!
I know I've been such a fool for falling for you, now I'm falling again..

Just, go away then..
We're not in the same level any more, just let me live alone.

goodbye. troublegirl

Hell the HER!

When you happy, you forgot your sad moments.. 

When you with him, you forgot who held your arms when you sad..

Why I always fell for those b*tches? You just simply, lose it all..

As them in your hard moments just like tissues that can be use to wipe your tears, then throw it to the trash when the tears dry..

I hate you, and I will fall back to you..

Just simply like that..

Things goin round and round and round like that.. 

There'll be no happy ending for you, and me..........

I should moved on, but I won't..

 My sympathy you need, my time for you to waste, my tears to join in, and every sacrifices of me that you needed.. 

Pity me, pity you, and pity everybody to see our stupid act and life of loves..

A good commemoration for those who hates, those who enjoys our sufferings.. 

Goodbye.

I MISS YOU LY

This human keep showin up in my mind lately.. My memories about her keep poppin up..

The story start like this-
 I was invited to join a group in facebook, name PERSATUAN SINGLE2 SEDUNIA ..
 Then a girl message me, introducing her came from the group.. She is attracted by my profile which*at that time, were fully dedicated for this cartoon character, Shin Chan ..
 And after that, we chat, we shared a lot.. Our passion is same, all about anime..
 Then, one day, we just lost connection.. I never had someone whom I never bored with, except her.
 Last month, I visited the page back, her account is no longer available, but thank god the messages still in the box. That's all left in memories. Still, I don't care if you fat, or not pretty, I'm still waitin for you to show up again.. Miss you Ly..I even can't remember your FB name, but all I know, I used to call you Ly..

I miss you..

Missing… Again

5.01 a.m

9 March 2013

Kajang, Selangor

 

5.01 .. Perfect hour.. Perfect minute..

I’ve been attached to that number since 2006.. My crush, my matrix number, my everything..

I miss my previous life, my younger days, my memories, my schools, my FRIENDS..

We’re all now in the different path now.. Engineers, accountants, business, and other scopes that they can fill..

Now I know the way adults lives.. They really want to go back to their young age..

They really want to go back, if they could.. If, WE could…

Arghhhh!!!!!

I still remember all the promises, all the “don’t lost contact” promises..

People changed, changes is a must.. Breaking the promises also a part of it..

Time passes, day passes, year passes…

Still I remember you guys.. Are you remembering me right now? As I always do for you guys?

I REALLY MISS YOU GUYS!! …………………….

-Henry

I LOVE YOU

I never forget, okay I forgot today is the day, but......

I still remember ok?
I'm a good GP right?

Love ya! Muah!

Heartfelt

Recently I stalk by at my 'WAS' @ ex best friend pages ..

I'm glad now his happy, gain his weight, keep smiling and post a lot of happy things bout his life now..

A sudden heartfelt bumped inside me.......
Jealous? Maybe, but then it was me who makes his life miserable before..
Playing with his heart, his feelings, his loyalty...
I know this is stupid, typing back all the bad things I'd done to him...
I'm sorry for being ungrateful..
I'm sorry for making your life down before..

Oh Allah, I wish I can continue my life after this without thinking bout him, bout mistakes I'd done to him...
Maybe this is the punishment You gave to me after all of that..

Suffering?

Yes, but the memories play'in my head will always make me remember about us long time ago..

The evening sun across the river, the highways we travel together, the hills and stairs we climbed with laughters and the silly fights we fought over..
Not to forget, the girl we fell for at the same moment..

I hate that she chose you at the end..

But then you rejected her, I really hope that it wasn't for me.. Really hoped that.. Please don't suffer more for me..

Now it's all over between us, I really hope that you'll achieve more than me now..
All my doings, my act now is just a point of redemption, after making you feel downgraded when you're sitting next to me, every single time when we was together..

Just wishing you well ...

-Henry

Left by you..

I've done nothing wrong, but my feelings you hurt..

[MTV] Stacy - Pelangi Senja

This when you realize he is no longer around anymore..

I'm sorry my friend..

Saddens my day

 

What more can you expect from others more than attention?

What more can you bring other than happiness?

What if, I turn back to time and pull all the cherish, happy fun moments we have?

What if, I turn back to time and stop you from making all the farewell promises so that I wouldn’t wait here like a stupid bimbos?

Well, human is indeed a human….

Time changed, and so do the people..

Now friendship can so be called as prankship..

 

*stop making stupid farewell speeches - HENRY

Movie Review – THE EAGLE

Hai, this is my first movie rev actually.. hehe

Last month our cable provider gave 10 days of free access to 130 channel..

And I was enjoying surfing all the channel including MAX movie channel..

hehe.. So, I was intercepted with this magnificent movie, THE EAGLE…

Amazingly, this war-adventure film has no women and LOVE added!!! All action packed!

You guys should watch this movie.. It’s about a roman soldier, who try to find his father and his 9th legion of roman army, which lost without a trace.. Ouhh, and also THE EAGLE, which symbolize the Roman power..

Quite pumping my adrenaline *look at channing only.. hahahaha

He and Jamie Bell can be a great partner I bet! hahaha *really sweet friendship

Anyhow, you will never be devastated by this movie.. I promise you..

It reminds me about my school years actually, we help each other like till die.. IMY ANBI…;P

Stupid review - HENRY

Wut is IT?

 

You are just another HEARTACHE on my list…

Arghhhhhh!! How can other’s life is so damn sweet and mine is miserable??

Wish someone would pass me their money and wealth to me and I just live away with a bunch of ‘RICH’ people in Bahamas..

Well, IDK whether it’s my fault or the others can’t be tolerant with me..

But hell yeah, one day god will show the way..

I don’t even care on style and standards, but the important is I LIVE ON MY OWN..

My pride and dignity is measured on my credit and debit * I only have 15K education loan and secret figure of savings.. hehe

By the way, need to work hard so I can buy a CAR by the end of this year..

Bye! - Henry

I No Longer You Muse

Yes, after all the laugh, tears, and moments…

The promises, turns into NOTHING..

Times you done that, and times I did that..

After this, my fight will no longer with you..

My tears, my laugh, my moments, and promises will belong to me myself..

Stupid me to trust you.. And no one will ever got the spot as my friend anymore..

Just THEM who understand me, just THEM who fought with me, just THEM had live with me…

Thank you, THEM.. Good bye, YOU..

Happy with your life, be happy with your pain, be happy with HIS temper..

Not on me anymore.. To others… Bye.

Bitch’s DIE

As now I know, you just USE me…

The time you sick, the time you fell, the time he hurt you, and when you in trouble.

That’s why I left GIRL, before I met you…

I trust GIRLS back, and there you goes, ripping me off again..

Shit you! I shouldn’t trust you in the first place..

Bye..